The Booger Pickin' Morons

We're not really morons, we just play one on TV. Ok, the TV part is not true. Take a little trip down a scary little road we like to call "the inside of my (our) head". We're like you, only maybe a little weirder. If nothing else, we can promise that you'll never know what might get said here... that's a real-deal promise.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

A Good Cause that Helps Others & You

I just got this email and will be looking for these in my neighborhood store the next time I need a little fix. Wonder if they come in the yummy new dark chocolate??
Easy enough to help a great cause while I help myself to a little chocolate!


New M&M colors
Pass this on to all of your friends. There are many women out there who
have breast cancer. Lets do all we can to support this cause.

New Pink &White M&M's

The maker of M&M candies has teamed up with the Susan G. Komen Breast
Cancer Foundation to raise funds through the sale of their new "pink
&white" M&M candies.

For each 8-ounce bag of the special candies sold, the makers of M&M
(Masterfoods) will donate 50 cents to the foundation. The next time you
want a treat, please pick up a bag (now sold in stores nationwide) - you
will be donating to a great cause and satisfying your sweet tooth. Just
think...If each of us buy one bag or two.... how much will be donated.
Buy a bag for a friend...........

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Looking Good!

Another older student and I have decided to start lying about our age. The "little kids" think we are nuts & old since we are over 30 (I'm 37; she's 47). We decided to add 8-10 years when people ask how old we are. You know, so they'll think "WOW!!! She looks great for her age!". We put it to the test yesterday when we ran into a fella I had classes with in the spring. We told him I was 45 & Theresa was 57. It worked!!! He said there was no way we looked that old.

How cool is that??

Then today one of my favourite professors said something about the song "In the Year 2525" which of course, no one knew except me. I did say I was not alive when the song was released but that I knew it from when I was younger. He said "Oh yes, you are 87! and look good for your age!" To which I said "HECK YEAH I look good for 87!" The other students laughed, so maybe they don't think I am really that old.

Try it out & let me know how your results are.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

My Second Ten Questions Answers

Here you go:

1. What makes you laugh?
Minivans with “Sport” on them. Every time, man, it never fails! Hi-freakin’-larious.
My kids, my husband, my own stupidity (not necessarily in that order).

2. What's your favorite possession?
My wedding band. My grandmother’s wedding band. My ability to laugh at almost anything.

3. What superhuman power would you most want to have?

The one that lets me do things like cooking, cleaning, and folding laundry in hyper speed.

4. What did you want to be when you were little?
Sportscaster.

5. What's your motto?
Why can’t we all just get along??

6. What would you do with $1000 spare cash?
Put it towards a trip to Europe or the Caribbean or Cabo.

7. What's your simplest pleasure?
Just sitting on the couch with all three of my men reading a book or having a tickle fight.

8. What would your "I'd rather be . . . " bumper sticker say?
At Neyland Stadium watching the Vols WIN!!!

9. What's the craziest fashion trend you've ever followed?
Um, I have never been fashionable.

10. Would you rather be a little smarter or a little sexier?
Folks, I am already so much of both that perhaps I should lessen them both up a bit! It's almost dangerous as it is....

Friday, September 15, 2006

10 more questions from the nosy fans.

1. What makes you laugh?
My wife- she’s the funniest person I know and her own laugh is infectious. When she gets going, she can’t stop and that just makes it better.

2. What's your favorite possession?
My Granddaddy’s WWII dog tags. My dad’s father was my hero and when he passed away my grandmother gave me his dog tags. I lost one of the two tags when I was run over by a car on my bike. I don’t wear the other tag anymore out of fear of losing it.

3. What superhuman power would you most want to have?
Yep, I used to think the x-ray vision thing would be the one, but I think I’d rather have Wonder Woman’s golden lasso of truth. How cool would that be? Ok, the invisible jet was cool too, but truth is even better.

4. What did you want to be when you were little?
How little? When I was really young, I wanted to be tall like the rest of the men in my family. When I was a little older I wanted to be a professional bass fisherman. Older than that and I wanted to ride bikes professionally.

5. What's your motto?
“If they aren’t saying ‘no’, they’re saying ‘maybe’.” I came up with that one when I was single and desperate.

6. What would you do with $1000 spare cash?
Like most folks, I’d pay bills if they needed paying… otherwise I’d blow it on something stupid probably because I’m a Pisces and we can’t hold on to money to save our scales!

7. What's your simplest pleasure?
Sleeping next to my wife. Ok, truth be told, making love to her… but sleeping beside her, with our toes touching and holding hands is pretty damned special.

8. What would your "I'd rather be . . . " bumper sticker say?
“… sane…” or “… “appearing in The New Yorker…”

9. What's the craziest fashion trend you've ever followed?
Ever believing that neon looks good on spandex- on me.

10. Would you rather be a little smarter or a little sexier?
Hard to tell without knowing which one people think I should be. I’d probably go for the smarter just because it sounds less shallow… but then again…

MG

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

The Car I was Dreamin' About

So, there's a car that is a new model for 2007 and my hubby & I have been looking at it online. We even went to the dealer about a month ago to see one in person but they are all on back order. Yesterday we got a call that they had one come in & the folks that preordered it had backed out, did we want to come and look at it. You know we were on our way!

I had a 1989 LeBaron convertible that I bought with nine miles on it in my younger days. I loved that car! It was awesome! My daddy had always told me that if I ever had the chance to have a "boat car" to get it. So I did. The Bitchmobile (hey, you name your cars, don't you??) made my twenties so much fun! I loved that car. But it got stolen from me twice! Jerks!

Anyway, now I am old, married, two young kids but still jonesin' for a convertible. I just love them.

We go to the Volvo dealership. We test drive the car. It is sweet! Really smooth drive and lots of cool features. But you know, I just don't know. Maybe in a few more years when the boys aren't so young. I was really diggin' the S60 and S80, though. I like this color, which is not offered on the C70. Why not???? Why is it offered on some models but not the other? What is up with that??? Shouldn't I be able to get the color I like? I don't like the Celestial Blue color. It looks a little too sissy for me! And the Magic Blue is awfully dark. Come on! Give me the Barent's Blue in the C70 folks. And who comes up with the color names, anyway? I mean, how do I get that job? I want to name the make-up and car colors. What a crazy job.

Okay, so what's your favorite car??? Realistically speaking. I mean, I would dig a CLK 63AMG but I don't have a spare $120K to get one!

Show me your car and let's dream a little!

Friday, September 08, 2006

Quick Friday Fun

A very smart gal, Donna Tocci, posted about dark chocolate M&M's the other day. I've been out of the loop & hadn't heard this great news! Today while I was at BK's fave place, I picked up a bag. Ladies & Gentlemen, they are yummy! Of course, how can you go wrong with dark chocolate, but I still had to try them. I live near where they make them, so that is an extra treat. Of course, the chocolate factory stinks but hey, I can't smell it from my house!

Check out the newest M&M's.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Kissing

Okay, on Tuesday my husband picked up the boys from day care. "Alex is kissing girls." Great, do you have any details? Like is he kissing the same one repeatedly or is he sluttin' it up? Is he disrupting class or just being his affectionate self & greeting everyone with a little kiss on the cheek? Are we talking just cheeks or lips or are we full on tongue kissing? Of course, Kevin did not know any of these answers.

Turns out he is smooching one gal in particular. She is new. He kisses her a few times throughout the day: when he first sees her, before lunch, after lunch, and before nap time. He did not kiss her goodbye when we left. Here's his MO: He kisses Naomi and his friend Will and then says "You are my friend". He kisses them both on the lips ("Very European", says Kevin) but no tonguage, thankfully. I spoke to Naomi's mom & she is thinking the same way I do...cool so long as neither is ill and there is no disrupting class time. I am not so sure Will's mom would be in the same mind frame. I don't know her or his dad. Frankly, I do not care that Alex kisses him. Glad that he is happy to share his love for his friends without the stigma that would surely be seen by some older kids. I asked him last night as I put him to bed about the kissing. He said "I kiss you, Daddy, Trevor, and my friends. We are supposed to kiss our friends."

I hope Will's folks do not freak out about it. I am proud that my son is so loving and affectionate toward his friends. How many times have you forgotten to love on your friends and then you are miles & miles away and unable to do so in person? Get to it!

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Randomito...

I was thinking the other day... shut up, I was too... and aside from the painful sensations in my head, it was a reasonably pleasant experience. Not as good as a kiss from either of my kids, holding on to my wife or fishing, but not bad overall.

In the process of doing that thinking, I came to a few realizations;
Gas grills are the work of the devil. God intended all foods to be cooked over open flame, but I'm pretty sure he meant wood or charcoal. I own a gas grill now, out of convenience and because the smell of burning charcoual makes my wife nauseus (that shows how much I love her- I gave up charcoal for her). Yes, I cook some mean, yummy foods on the gas grill (my current favorite is grilled asparagus brushed with olive oil, and lightly coated with sea salt, crushed garlic and special seasonings. It's oh so yummy... but still the work of the devil. Does this mean that I and my family are headed to hell?
The only problem with having children in school (kindergarten and high school I might add) is the other parents. Ok, that's not the "only" problem, but it's the biggest problem. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate all parents I meet... just almost all of them. I've met some great ones, but most of them are just idiots... I'm sorry, that's the truth. If you are a parent I've met, hopefully you don't fall in that category. If you do... sorry.
I studied chemistry and physics in school- even changed my major in college to chemistry for a semester (then I realized I sucked at it), but I don't understand the basic laws of thermo- dynamics (Miss Judith "burn my mouth with food" might be with me on this one). How is it that I can go out and get super hot and sweaty and then take a cool shower, but then break out in a huge sweat afterwards? Shouldn't I be cooler from the shower so that I don't sweat more than I did when I was exercising? My wife claims that you are supposed to take a hot shower when it is hot, then when you step out into the cooler-than-the-shower air, you'll feel refreshed. Well, needless to say, I don't buy that theory. Still, there has to be some reason why when I step out of the shower, I instantly start sweating like I'm in a marathon.
Why is it that when it is cold outside and you are working out/ exercising, that your nose starts to run like crazy? I can be healthy as an ox, but get me sweating and suddenly my nose's snot juice factory starts working working double over time. Why? Do I need the sticky layer of booger crud on my upper lip to make me warmer? I don't think so...
Lastly, why is it that hot dogs come in packages of 10 but the buns come in packages of 8? Is it a weiner overload or a bun shortage? I have theories... but I ain't sharing.

MG

Have you ever.....

burnt the roof of your mouth while eating? Man, I hate that! I did it once again yesterday. That just makes me feel like an idiot. DER!

Here's to a day free of mouth/tongue/lip burns!

Monday, September 04, 2006

Five Questions

1. If you could change something in your personal life with the snap of your fingers, what would it be? (No Miss America answers please)

I should really be nicer to my husband. He's awesome & I am really grumpy to him sometimes. I also wish I had better study habits and more patience. I would cuss less.

2. Who was/is the hottest man/woman in the movies?

George Clooney, Luke Wilson, and Vince Vaughn. Funny, dark hair, and tall is sexy in my book.

Jennifer Garner is a doll with her big dimples. I don't want to sleep with her though.

3. What's your sincerely favorite thing?

Football Saturday in Knoxville; filet mignon perfectly prepared and shared with Kevin and a good bottle of red wine; snuggles from any of my three guys; deep tissue massage; taking communion with Kevin and the boys.

4. Your happy place?

Neyland Stadium when it is rocking, aimless drives with some good music blasting, sitting in my oversize chair with a good book or one of the boys, holding hands with Kevin.


5. Pet peeve?

Like AE, I have a bunch. A few: Drivers in the fast lane going ten miles under the speed limit (why did you bother to leave your house?), drivers that do not get out of the right lane on the interstate when there is nothing in the other lanes & people are trying to get onto the interstate from a ramp, drivers that do not wave "Thank you!" when you do let them over, people that block the intersections, people that do not say thanks when you hold the door for them, people that will not return your smile or "Good morning", grumpy people (yes, I know this includes me), rude football fans, stupid people who think they are smart, judgemental people, people that do not recycle.
That's a good start but certainly not a complete list.

JA


Sunday, September 03, 2006

Open Letter to the Booger Pickin' Morons;

One of our many fans posed the follwing questions to the Morons, so without further delay- here are the answers...

1. If you could change something in your personal life with the snap of your fingers, what would it be? (No Miss America answers please)

My hair- I'd love to have the long hair I had before Corporate America devoured my soul. At one time, I had long flowing locks down to the middle of my back. I have ZERO patience now and can't stomach the awkward "growing out" phase anymore.

2. Who was/is the hottest man/woman in the movies?

Woman- Rita Hayworth was hot... H-O-T, hot. So was Marlene Dietrich... that voice. Oh man..

Man- maybe I'm alone when I say Marty Feldman, but... c'mon...

3. What's your sincerely favorite thing?

Kisses from my daughter, sleeping next to my wife- toes touching, fishing/ cycling with my son, long walks on the beach in the rain while drinking pina coladas...

4. Your happy place?

Fishing anywhere in Fairhope Alabama, anywhere on my bike, anywhere with my wife, almost anywhere with my kids (except an airplane...), anywhere with a free/ open bar (preferably in Ireland)...

5. Pet peeve?

People with bad breath, shorts on grown men that reach their ankles, government policies designed to fail and humiliate the nation, bands with really crappy sound equipment that cuts out during a live performance (and drunken dipshits who insist on standing on my toes during a show so that I am forced to punch them in the back of the head and get asked to leave by the concert promoter... that really pisses me off)...

MG

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Psst...

I can remember
The first
Time
I saw her
Face,
As if it were
Yesterday.
The image
Burned
Permanently
Into my mind-
Each long curl of hair draped down her slender neck and nearly reaching her back,
Until she pulled them up into a bun and held it there long enough
For me to see
Those two
Dark eyes-
Irish eyes.
I love those eyes and the way the conceal
Nothing
And give away her every mood.
No eyes
I've ever known
Can sparkle
With such joy
Or burn
With such rage.
No eyes have ever held my attention like her eyes.
We never knew
That moment
Would lead to now
And this life
Together
With children
And bills
And ruffled sheets filled with stuffed animals and childrens toys.
We never knew
Then
What we know
Now.

MG

Friday, September 01, 2006

FOOTBALL

So the NCAA football season kicked off last night. Yippee! My favorite time of year. This is going to be my first year doing the college fantasy football league. I don't think I'll do very well, but it should be fun. I was a rookie in the NFL fantasy last year & won my league. I can't wait for the memorable moments to start happening! WooHoo!!

First words...

Ha, ha! I struck first!

(Evil laugh, spooky music, wringing of hands...)

MG