The Booger Pickin' Morons

We're not really morons, we just play one on TV. Ok, the TV part is not true. Take a little trip down a scary little road we like to call "the inside of my (our) head". We're like you, only maybe a little weirder. If nothing else, we can promise that you'll never know what might get said here... that's a real-deal promise.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006


I was thinking the other day... shut up, I was too... and aside from the painful sensations in my head, it was a reasonably pleasant experience. Not as good as a kiss from either of my kids, holding on to my wife or fishing, but not bad overall.

In the process of doing that thinking, I came to a few realizations;
Gas grills are the work of the devil. God intended all foods to be cooked over open flame, but I'm pretty sure he meant wood or charcoal. I own a gas grill now, out of convenience and because the smell of burning charcoual makes my wife nauseus (that shows how much I love her- I gave up charcoal for her). Yes, I cook some mean, yummy foods on the gas grill (my current favorite is grilled asparagus brushed with olive oil, and lightly coated with sea salt, crushed garlic and special seasonings. It's oh so yummy... but still the work of the devil. Does this mean that I and my family are headed to hell?
The only problem with having children in school (kindergarten and high school I might add) is the other parents. Ok, that's not the "only" problem, but it's the biggest problem. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate all parents I meet... just almost all of them. I've met some great ones, but most of them are just idiots... I'm sorry, that's the truth. If you are a parent I've met, hopefully you don't fall in that category. If you do... sorry.
I studied chemistry and physics in school- even changed my major in college to chemistry for a semester (then I realized I sucked at it), but I don't understand the basic laws of thermo- dynamics (Miss Judith "burn my mouth with food" might be with me on this one). How is it that I can go out and get super hot and sweaty and then take a cool shower, but then break out in a huge sweat afterwards? Shouldn't I be cooler from the shower so that I don't sweat more than I did when I was exercising? My wife claims that you are supposed to take a hot shower when it is hot, then when you step out into the cooler-than-the-shower air, you'll feel refreshed. Well, needless to say, I don't buy that theory. Still, there has to be some reason why when I step out of the shower, I instantly start sweating like I'm in a marathon.
Why is it that when it is cold outside and you are working out/ exercising, that your nose starts to run like crazy? I can be healthy as an ox, but get me sweating and suddenly my nose's snot juice factory starts working working double over time. Why? Do I need the sticky layer of booger crud on my upper lip to make me warmer? I don't think so...
Lastly, why is it that hot dogs come in packages of 10 but the buns come in packages of 8? Is it a weiner overload or a bun shortage? I have theories... but I ain't sharing.



  • At 1:34 AM, Blogger Judith Aames said…

    A lot of parents ARE stupid. Myself included, at times. My least favorite are the folks that are blind to the kid's imperfections. You know, "Oh, my little Johnny is so perfect! But that Joe is a real pill" when you have seen Johnny doing the exact same thing they are complaining about Joe doing. Every kid makes mistakes & NO ONE on the planet is perfect so don't think your kid is perfect!

  • At 8:51 AM, Blogger Annie Ehrenberg said…

    We all are familiar with my fear of turning into the stereotypical midwest soccer mom (practice starts Saturday at 9 am!) regardless, I've met some cool parents. I've met moms that I want to nominate to the Oprah Makeover Show. Seriously women, so you've had a few kids, don't let yourself go to pot! One of my goodest gal pals has FOUR kids and is 40 years old and she's the hottest mom I know! Seriously, ladies. That's my gripe. I had something else to say but I don't remember what it is.

  • At 4:53 AM, Blogger Angie Christie said…

    Moses - your wife is always right. Please learn that sooner rather than later.
    As for your have another talent that you've been hiding from us all. Chef. Sounds yummy!!!

  • At 4:54 AM, Blogger Angie Christie said…

    Oh, I can't talk about stupid parents because all of my friends who have kids are brilliant (present company included). :)

  • At 7:03 AM, Blogger Annie Ehrenberg said…

    I do love the convenience of my gas grill.


  • At 4:57 AM, Blogger Judith Aames said…

    Charcoal all the way, man! They just make it yummier!


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